


It's the end of an era?

by shertomhiddlelock



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotionally Repressed, First Kiss, Laughter, M/M, One True Pairing, Regret, Sad, Sloppy Makeouts, True Love, Truth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 05:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shertomhiddlelock/pseuds/shertomhiddlelock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-Sherlock Holmes is leaving John & Mary Watson's wedding as he is at the end of "The Sign of Three". He regrets not telling John how he truly feels towards him.<br/>-John notices that his best friend/man had left the wedding. Why does Sherlock leave? John realized he made the wrong decision.<br/>-How will it all work out? It's my first ever fanfic so bear with me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why did I leave?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Sherlock's point of view while he's leaving the wedding of John and Mary. Why does Sherlock feel this way? What should he do and how should he really feel?

 

_“It changes people, marriage.”_

_“It changes you in ways you cannot imagine.”_

_“You wouldn’t understand cause you always live alone.”_

_“It’s the end of an era”_

_“She left early, I mean who leaves a wedding early? So sad”_

 

***

It was hard to think with the sound of pop British songs blaring at the reception hall. As Sherlock left the wedding, he began to think of why he actually left. He thought it was just better to leave unannounced but really had no reason at all. Every time he thought about John and Mary getting wed, he couldn’t help but think of Mrs. Hudson’s “wise” words she told him earlier that day. _“It’s the end of an era”_ These thoughts ran around Sherlock’s head like Sherlock and John ran when they got arrested before the “Reichbach” Fall.

Oh, that dreaded fall. “If only I didn’t do that dreaded fall” thought Sherlock as he walked away from the wedding. “If I didn’t do that fall, none of this would be happening.” The wedding, Mary, and the slight mistrust that still stood between John and Sherlock. Sherlock has done all he could to try to regain John trust after the fall. He cooked dinner for John, some nights. Sherlock would usually almost burn down 221b so he didn’t do that anymore. He made John’s bed, sometimes. He even tried to do John’s laundry, but he typically forgot to move the clothes from the washer into the dryer so John would have cold, moldy clothes. Sherlock wanted to do anything to get his blogger back. _His blogger._

Sherlock would call John “His blogger” and “His Doctor”, hoping to drop some slight hints to John on how he was feeling. How important John was to him. Sherlock seemed to have some weird, strange feelings towards the blogger, but he mainly keep those suppressed. Sherlock has never had feelings like this before. Only time he felt this was when “The Woman” was around. Before “The Woman” Sherlock merely thought that these weird feelings were the feeling of friendship. Friendship is the feeling of doing anything for your friend and protecting them at all cost, right? But when Sherlock met “The Woman” and had some slight feelings towards her, he got very concerned.

Not concerned in the fact that he has feelings for “The Woman”, he fact that he felt those same feelings toward John, and they intensified after she disappeared. After, the Reichbach Fall, Sherlock not only spent those two years dismantling Moriarty’s network, he tried to suppress his feelings for John. He fell because he loved John, and wanted to keep him alive at all cost. Sherlock cared that Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson were in danger too, but all he could think of was John. Slowly, his thoughts of John disappeared. He seemed to totally suppress John. He seemed to be successful until the day that Mycroft “recused” Sherlock and shows Sherlock a photo of John. The feelings hit him like a semi-truck. When Sherlock went to the restaurant to see John, he was so happy to see his blogger again, Until she showed up. Mary Morstan. It shattered Sherlock, but John was happy right? And that’s all that matters, right? I mean, here we are, John got married and all chances to tell him about these weird feelings are gone, right?

“Right?” said Sherlock outloud, not even noticing he said it outloud. “What ya say, champ?” said the cab driver. Sherlock looked around. He didn’t even notice he flagged down a cab and told it to go to 221b Baker Street. “I’m- uh- er- nothing” said Sherlock as he sat back into his seat in the cab, looking out the window. A few minutes later, the cab got to Baker Street and Sherlock paid the taxi and it drove off. Sherlock went up the stairs and before he opened the door, he put his arm against the door and his head against his arm.“Well” said Sherlock to himself, “First night as John Waston, the happily married man, and Sherlock Holmes, the man who will always lives alone whose completely confused on his own existence. It is truly the end of an era” He sighed and went inside.


	2. Why did he leave?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter is Sherlock's point of view. This is John's point of view. They're both happening at the same time. What will happen to John and his detective now since he's a father to be and still has feeling for Sherlock.

_“Increase appetite, change of taste perception, you were sick this morning, you assumed it was just wedding nerves but got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. All the signs are there.”_

_“The signs of three._

***

“The music is extremely loud and the lights are incredibly bright. Is this going to hurt Mary and my new baby? I should know, i’m a doctor.I can’t believe he deduced that before me. How do people go to parties willingly? God it’s so loud. Why am I asking myself all these questions? God I can’t stop thinking” thought John to himself, as he stood in the middle of the dance floor while Mary was off dancing with Janine. His mind was racing. He felt like he just got hit with a ton of bricks. Sherlock has just told him that he’s going to be a father. He wanted to sit Mary down and talk about it to her but you can’t just leave a wedding early. Who does that? Especially your own wedding. But he couldn’t stop thinking. He was being forced by Mary to dance like everything was okay. When John noticed that Mary was wrapped up in dancing with Janine. He wandered off to the men’s restroom. He walked in, turned on the sink and splashed his face with water and looked himself in the mirror.

 

He stared at himself for a good 5 minutes just thinking to himself. “Oh god, what have I done? I just married a woman I still have questions about and I got her pregnant.” “God damnit!” Screamed John as he slammed his fist against the sink. Hopefully no one heard that, but John knew Sherlock would have. Sherlock has a keen sense of hearing when it came to John. Oh Sherlock. That dumb deducing tit. That dumb deducing tit that John knew he had questions about. He was the reason why John had questions about loving and marrying Mary. John didn’t know what to do after the Fall Sherlock took. He was heartbroken. John very nearly loved Sherlock before that Fall. He very nearly wanting to spend the rest of his life with Sherlock, deducing crimes and running away from crime scenes. Why did John only very nearly love Sherlock? Because he was afraid that Sherlock would try to run away from the blogger. Sherlock made it very clear that he was only married to his work. What would happen to their friendship once Sherlock found out that John had the hots for the detective?

 

That was a question that John was very nearly about to answer right before Sherlock took the Fall. John was about ready to tell Sherlock how he felt, about how he fell for Sherlock. But that same day, Sherlock... well Sherlock fell. That proved to John that Sherlock obviously didn’t have any feelings for John, only the feeling of friendship. Sherlock wouldn’t have kill himself if he loved John, right? John’s emotions were shot. He couldn’t feel. All he felt was anger and sadness. He never thought about suicide. Sherlock would've wanted him to be strong and live on. But it was hard to have a reason too. He needed a reason to live one. Once John met Mary, they seem to have a strange attraction. John felt something in her, something he felt when he was with Sherlock. The feeling of mystery and warmth. John knew he had to make Mary his, even though his emotions were still with Sherlock. John thought he would grow use to Mary. Maybe even someday she’ll replace Sherlock in his heart.

 

But when Sherlock came back into his life, he then knew Mary could never replace Sherlock in his heart, but it was too late to turn around. He just couldn’t drop Mary and go back to his life before the Fall, of being in a one way relationship with Sherlock. He made the right choice of marrying Mary, right? “Right? said John outloud, not even noticing he said it out loud until one of the food caterers said “What did you say? Sorry I can’t hear very well.” John turned to the caterer and said “Sorry, nothing. Just talking to myself.” The food caterer turned around and left the bathroom. “How long have I been in here?” John looked at his watch. “I’ve probably been in here for 10 minutes! Sherlock’s probably looking for me. I wonder why he didn’t come in here when I screamed out earlier?” said John to himself. That wasn’t like Sherlock. Sherlock always came to John when he cried out. “Maybe I should go look for him.” John left the bathroom and walked back in the reception room.

 

Janine came up to John and said “Where have you been? You missed a slow song, and me and Mary had to dance to each other because she couldn’t find you and I can’t find Sherlock!” “You can’t find Sherlock?” said John curiously. Sherlock wasn’t that hard to find, being as tall as he is and his moppy black curls were very distinct. John looked around and that’s when he knew something was wrong. Sherlock was missing. John told Janine that he would be right back and to tell Mary to meet him by the cake. John practically ran to the doors where a security guard was standing.

 

After tonight’s almost murder, Lestrade had the place practically surrounded. Someone had to see if Sherlock was taken by force. John went to the security guard and asked “Did anyone enter and leave these doors? My friend Sherlock is missing and I think he’s been taken by someone.” “Someone did leave here about 15 minutes ago. Very tall. Black, curly hair. Dressed just like you.” said the security guard. “Did he looked distressed?” ordered John. John was in full caption John Watson mood. “No” said the security guard. “He even had a coat with him. Just looked like he was leaving to go home.” John’s heart dropped. Sherlock left the wedding early. Something was wrong with the detective. His detective.

 

John’s shoulders dropped and he said thank you to the security guard and walked away. He had to know what was wrong with Sherlock. And he needed to know now. He called a cab with his cell and walked back into the reception hall. Mary was standing by the cake. John walked up to her and whispers in her ear “I’m terribly sorry, but I have to go to Baker Street. Sherlock’s gone and something’s wrong.” Mary looked at John slightly angry but then her complexion changed. Mary knew about the feelings that John used to have towards Sherlock, and she knew that those feelings were possibly still there. The way John and Sherlock looked at each other when Sherlock told them that they were pregnant. Those won’t the look of just friendship. And John leaving her on their own wedding night proved that those feelings were still there.

 

 _“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were”._ thought Mary to herself. Mary put her hand on John’s chest and whispers in his ear “Go and do whatever you think is right” Mary pulled away, winked at John, and went on dancing. John knew what he had to do. He ran outside and hopped in the cab. “221b Baker Street, please.” said John as he sunk back into the seat. “Hopefully this isn’t the end of era” he whispered to himself.


	3. Where would I be without my blogger?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's arrived at 221b, how is he going to go on without his blogger?

_“I’m not his date.”_

_“You’re unattached, like me.”_

_“I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work and while i’m flattered by your interest i’m really not looking for any...”_

_“No, i’m not asking, no.”_

_“It’s all fine.”_

***

 

As Sherlock enters Baker Street, he slowly moves. When Sherlock is stressed out, he starts to deduce almost everything and anything to get his mind off the situation he’s stressed about. He was going to deduce something every step up to the flat. There was about 12 stairs. He takes his first step. “This stair is still squeaky. I told Mrs. Hudson to fix but how are you going to stop 50-60 years of use on a oak wood staircase?” he whispers to himself. He’s found that if he talks out loud while he’s deducing, he gets better detail. He likes it when John is there listening to him. “Oh John” thinks Sherlock, sadly. “No, Sherlock! Don’t think about John!” says Sherlock to himself angrily. He creeps up to the second stair and looks at the wall paper on the wall. “Green, 40-50 years old. Ugly flower design. Oil from the fingertips of the clients touching it as they went up the stairs to the flat.” says Sherlock as he reaches out to touch the wallpaper. “John’s always hated this design” smirks Sherlock. “No! Stop thinking about John!” shouts Sherlock as he snaps his hand back and grabs his head in a panic. Third step. “Uh- the rail is spitting into smaller pieces of wood. Oak again. Breaking due to overuse and oil from the skin. 50-60 years old. Mrs. Hudson uses the rail when she goes up to ‘the boys apartment.’” as she likes to call it” whispers Sherlock in a slight panic. “The boy’s apartment” thinks Sherlock in a panic. “John isn’t going to be here at Baker Street anymore. He’ll probably want to move in with his new wife. Oh god, it truly is the end of an era!’

 

Sherlock runs up a few stairs in a panicked hurry but falls when he’s just a few stairs away from the door of 221b. He tries to get up but he’s dizzy. His mind is on maximum overload. He’s thinking about all the great times him and John have had at Baker Street. All the clients, all the close encounters, all the times him and John have wanted to kill each other in annoyance. But that was mainly John. Sherlock could never get annoyed by his blogger. John was the perfect flatmate. He was always cleaning up after Sherlock, always making Sherlock dinner, always making Sherlock eat the dinner he’s made. _“Where would I be without my blogger?” said Sherlock to John a few days ago, smirking. “Probably in an alley, dead from a murderer or lack of eating since I always have to fed you all the damn time!” joked John throwing his hands up._ Sherlock put his head on one of the stairs. “Where am I going to be without my blogger? whispered Sherlock, sadly. This was a question he didn’t want to find out, but knew he was going to.

 

“I’m in worse case then I thought” thought Sherlock. “My weird feelings for John are still here. Well, why does it matter now anyway? He’s married to Mary now. I’m too late. I should've told John earlier.” thought Sherlock as he looked up with tears in his eyes. He slowly crawls his way up to the top of the staircase, still very dizzy but he knew he just can’t be lying on the staircase, crying in his self pity. He pushes himself up so he’s standing in front of the door to 221b. He wiggles the doorknob but it’s locked. He reaches into his pocket but finds the key gone. “It must have fallen out when I fell” He continues to look for the key in his pocket but finds a hole in his pocket. “Great, just great!” shouts Sherlock in anger. He punches the door but nothing happens. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until a tear falls down his face. “I’ve lost my blogger, lost the love of my life pretty much, and now i’ve lost my key!” whispers Sherlock to himself as he places his back up against the door and slides down till he’s sitting on the floor. He brings his knees up to his chest and places his head to his knees. “I need John” says Sherlock as he begins to cry.

 

Sherlock has never cried in his life. Not even when he was a small child. He’s always able to suppress his emotions to the point of just being numb. But typically, nothing brought him to the point of sadness. He doesn’t have anything to be sad about because nothing happened to him. He didn’t have any friends to worry about. Mycroft was able to take care of himself so never bothered Sherlock with his problems. The only thing he had to worry about was John. And he just lost that too. Sherlock begun to cry a little harder to the thought that he truly lost John. His real, true friend. At that point, someone opened the door to Baker Street and closed it again. Sherlock tried to muffle his cries to listen for who it was. Either no one was moving or it was Mrs. Hudson light, quiet footsteps coming home from the wedding early. “It has to be Mrs. Hudson” thought Sherlock “why would someone just enter and not move?” Sherlock brought his head up “Mrs. Hudson” shouted Sherlock, as his voice cracked. You can tell he’s been crying. He cleared his throat. “Mrs. Hudson, i’ve locked myself out of my flat. Will you bring the master key?” No one moves. Sherlock places his head back on his knees. “Great. Maybe i’m just hearing things.” thinks Sherlock.

 

At the same time he’s thinking that, someone comes up the stairs. “Great. It’s not even Mrs. Hudson. I’m going to be out here all night” whispers Sherlock as a tear runs down his face. He doesn’t even bother to raise his head when the person stops in front of him. “Sorry, I didn’t know you weren’t Mrs. Hudson” says Sherlock. The person doesn’t say anything. “Look, it’s not a good time right now. What do you want?” says Sherlock as he looks up to find John standing in front of him. Sherlock looks surprised and stands up quickly in front of John. He smooths out his coat and looks John in the eyes. “Hello John” sniffles Sherlock. John gets closer to Sherlock and reaches out his hand to wipe a tear going down Sherlock’s face. John then cups Sherlock’s face in his hand and reaches out with the other one. Sherlock looks down to find John’s key in his hand. Sherlock looks back up at John. “Need a hand?” says John, compassionately.


	4. Where would I be without my detective?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is in a cab, going to 221b. This is going on at the same time chapter 3 is going on.

_“So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend.”_

_“Certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.”_

_“Today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have **saved** – in short, the two people who love you most in all this world.” _

 

***

“How am I going to ask Sherlock why he left my wedding? ‘Hey Sherlock, why did you leave my wedding like a total tit?’” wondered John angrily to himself. It was a 10 minute drive from the wedding hall to Baker Street, and John was going to use to figure out what to do. He knew he shouldn’t be mad at Sherlock. But John hated it when Sherlock kept things from him. Sometimes, they were really important things like why Sherlock faked his death. But more often or not, it was small things like why does he loathe Anderson? John never knew. John chuckled at himself but got serious again. He didn’t have long to think. He knew he wasn’t going to have time to think about it when he got to Baker Street. Sherlock was probably still awake, doing an odd experiment on milk, again. “But really, how am I going to find out how? Should I just flat out ask him or let him bring it up?” thought John. But there was a lot of if’s and how’s when it came to the odd detective of Sherlock Holmes. John honestly had no idea what he was going to walk into.

 

Was he going to walk into Sherlock being a complete mess or perfectly okay? Maybe he left because he was tired. John feels like Sherlock hasn’t eaten in a few days because John’s been so focused on the wedding, he neglected his best friend. But Sherlock Holmes was a grown man, perfectly okay being on his own. Maybe Sherlock felt sick. John knew Sherlock would never go to a hospital. He could be shot and he would walk home to Baker Street and have John deal with it at home. John didn’t like the thought of Sherlock being sick. Where would he be without his detective? John loved Sherlock. He would be lost. But John loving Sherlock brought up another question. “Love?” thought John to himself. “Do I love Sherlock Holmes?”

 

John knew he had some feelings toward Sherlock but John never knew if he truly loved him. But that night answered it. He loved Sherlock Holmes. He left his own wedding for Sherlock Holmes. He left his wedding, not even knowing if Sherlock just left because he was bored or if something was truly wrong. John could see Baker Street coming up to his right. “I guess i’m just going to ask him straight out.” John didn’t know why he was afraid to ask Sherlock why he left. Maybe because he was afraid of the answer. If Sherlock just left because he was bored, well that would hurt John’s feelings. But it’s nothing new. Sherlock finds a lot of things boring. But maybe, Sherlock left because he was upset. “But why would he be upset?” thought John. Then it hit him. “Does Sherlock love me back?” It was a longshot for the detective to feel for anyone but himself. But John started to wonder. Why did Sherlock only have one friend? What did Sherlock see in John? Did Sherlock see friendship in John or something a little more? It was a question John had to think about. He definitely doesn’t know how to ask Sherlock that question if he can barely ask him why he left the wedding.

 

The cab pulled up to Baker Street and John got out after he paid the cab. John looked up at the window of Baker Street and noticed the light wasn’t on. “Is Sherlock even here?” wondered John. “Maybe he is sick” A strike of horror ran thru John and he practically jumped up to the door of Baker Street and noticed something shining at the corner of his eye. A key. But John recognized the key. It was Sherlock’s key. He noticed it because it was on a keyring that was very rusty. Sherlock was doing an experiment on the amount of time it takes for metal to rust when in a person pocket. Something for a case, John didn’t know. John got very worried. “What the damn is going on?”

 

John opened the door and walked it. It was very dark. Like no one had been there. But he heard crying.”Maybe one of the neighbours got into a fight with their partner?” thought John. He began to go up the stairs when he heard Sherlock. “Mrs. Hudson” shouted Sherlock. John’s worry went away. He knew Sherlock was safe. But he began to wonder. Why did Sherlock’s voice sound so hoarse. It sounded like he was... well it sounded like he was crying. John stood in his tracks. Sherlock spoke again. “Mrs. Hudson, i’ve locked myself out of my flat. Will you bring the master key?” John looked down at his hand. Sherlock must’ve dropped his key. But why didn’t he just come back and look for it? Something was very wrong. John walked up the stairs and when he turned the corner to the flat, his jaw dropped.

 

He saw Sherlock, knees up to his chest, possibly crying. John couldn’t believe his eyes. The great detective. The great detective that has seen things most people do not want to see, crying and totally defenseless. Just like a lost and defense kid. He had never seen this side of Sherlock before. John had no idea why Sherlock was crying but he had a pretty good idea. “Well, that answers my question. ‘Does Sherlock Holmes have feelings for me?’ I think that answer is yes.” thought John to himself. “And you want to know what else, I do love him. I love Sherlock Holmes.” John smiled and brought his shoulders up. He knew he was going to have to be strong and kind to the fragile Sherlock. He went up to Sherlock and just stood there. “Sorry, I didn’t know you weren’t Mrs. Hudson” says Sherlock. John doesn’t say anything. “Look, it’s not a good time right now. What do you want?” Sherlock looked up and their eyes met. John just continued to smile but there was a strange feeling in his chest. The feeling he felt when he first saw Sherlock, the first moment he fell in love with him. Sherlock jumped up and straightened his coat. “Hello, John.” says Sherlock, sadly. John knew Sherlock was broken. John knew he was going to have to fix him. John got closer to Sherlock and wiped a tear away from his lover's face and cupped his face with one hand. John then took his other hand with the key in it and stuck it out between them and opened it up. Sherlock looked down at his hand and then looked up at John. “Need a hand?” asked John nicely.


	5. Why do I love him?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John had found Sherlock, sad and broken. How is John going to take it when he finds out that he loves his blogger?

_“The game is never over, John ... but there may be some new players now. It’s okay. The East Wind takes us all in the end.”_

_“It’s a story my brother told me when we were kids. The East Wind – this terrifying force that lays waste to all in its path.”_

_“Well, if he is ... he’d better wrap up warm. There’s an East Wind coming.”_

***

“Oh god, i’m pathetic” thought Sherlock as he looked at John for a minute. They were making eye contact. “He saw me crying, with my red eyes I can’t deny I was, and he knows it’s been a rough day. I have a lot of explaining to do.” Sherlock broke the eye contact and looked down at the key. He reached out for the key with a shaky hand. “Thanks” whispered Sherlock. He went to take the key but while he was taking the key, John grabbed Sherlock’s hand and kept it in his hand. Sherlock was about ready to drop on his knees. The touch of them holding hands was too much for Sherlock. Sherlock could feel the sparks flying around them. They’ve touched each other by accident in the past and Sherlock could swear there was a strange spark when they touched. Yet, Sherlock thought nothing of it. Sherlock’s chest swelled with a strange feeling. “Why do I feel this way?” thought Sherlock. “Why do I love John Watson?” Sherlock’s mind palace went into maximum overdrive, again. That was the first time Sherlock confessed to himself that he loved John. Sherlock begun to shake and he looked up at John.

 

John was still staring at Sherlock, with a kind sweet smile. “God he’s so perfect” Sherlock smiled for the first time that night. John made him feel better. “John Watson, you keep me right.” thought Sherlock. John then took both of their hands and unlocked the door. With Sherlock’s hand still in John’s, they walked over to the couch. “Why is he holding my hand still? I thought he was just because I was being a crying baby?” thought Sherlock, confused. Then it hit him. Those sparks that he felt. They wouldn’t have happened it John didn’t feel them too. It takes two to create a spark. “Does John love me back? He can’t. He married Mary. But maybe he did just because he was confused. If I didn’t fake my death, he wouldn’t have met Mary. They wouldn’t be together. I would still be here. Where would we be?” Sherlock’s mind was about ready to burst. “John” whispered Sherlock. John looked at Sherlock and frowned.

 

“Sherlock, are you okay? You look very pale. Here, sit sit.” John sat down on the couch and tightened his grip on Sherlock’s hand and forced him to sit down. Sherlock sat down and put his head against the wall. “I just need to relax, John.” whispered Sherlock. John took his hand away from Sherlock’s and felt Sherlock’s head. “Well, you're not sick. No fever” Smirked John. “But you are sweating. I’m going to make you tea.” John got up and went to the kitchen. Sherlock couldn’t help but look at John as he walked away. “Oh god, I got a problem. I’m in love with John Watson. The man that’s off the market.” Sherlock placed his elbows on his knees and his hands on his head. He could scream. He needed to smoke. But he can’t smoke around his doctor.

 

He heard John come back into the living room but he didn’t say a word. Sherlock didn’t even bother looking up. He heard John place the tea on the table and sat next to Sherlock in complete silence. John placed his hand on Sherlock’s back and Sherlock’s body went completely numb. John had a certain kind of spell he placed on Sherlock. The spell to completely shut down his body or totally put his mind on overload. Sherlock took the tea with a shaky hand and drank some. He put it back down and took a deep breath. John continued to rub the detectives back. After a few minutes of complete silence John began to speak. “Sherlock, I have but only one question.” Sherlock’s heart dropped. He wasn’t ready to tell John he loved him. Sherlock closed his eyes.

 

“Why did you leave my wedding? I missed you.” John said in a slightly hurt tone. Sherlock’s eyes opened in panic. “Oh god, i’ve hurt John’s feelings. He’ll never love me back now. He can’t trust me now. I’ve already broke his trust when I faked my death. Now he thinks I might abandon him again.” thought Sherlock. Sherlock took in a shaky breath. “I couldn’t handle it” whimpered Sherlock. Sherlock looked at John with sad eyes. He could start to cry again. He was so broken and torn. He was so defenseless. John took in a deep breath “Why couldn’t you handle it, Sherlock?” asked John concerned as he began to rub Sherlock’s back again. He didn’t even notice he stopped. Sherlock opened up his mouth but all that could come out was a small cry as the tears begun again. Sherlock didn’t even really know why he was crying. Sometimes, you just need a good cry.

 

John put his arms around Sherlock and pulled him in. Sherlock buried his face into the crook of John’s neck. He cried like he’s never cried before. Years and years of suppressing his feelings for John, suppressing his feelings for anything that’s happened. All in this one moment. At least he spent it with John, the one he truly loves. This went on for about 10 minutes, and either of them didn't mind. John was slowly rocking Sherlock back and forth to soothe the broken man. Sherlock finally began to settle down. John pulled away from Sherlock and used his hands to tilt his face up to make eye contact. He wiped the tears away and said in a calm voice “Feel better?” Sherlock knew that John knew exactly what was wrong. John knew that Sherlock loved him. Sherlock smiled a sweet smiled and laughed as he whispered “Yes.” Sherlock took John’s hands and placed them in his lap and looked at them “Oh, John, you’re so swe-..” Sherlock said as he looked back up at John to make eye contact and Sherlock cut himself off. They were making eye contact again. But this time was different.

 

Sherlock could sense the feeling of acceptance. That he could do no wrong in John’s eyes. “Well, if i’m ever going to show John I love him, now is the best time to show him.” thought Sherlock. Sherlock could sense the feeling of love and slight romantic arousal. He had to kiss John Watson; His Doctor, His best friend, and His true love. Sherlock didn’t really know how to go about it. Still continuing eye contact, he began to lean in. Sherlock was afraid that John wouldn’t lean in either, but John began too. “I can’t believe this is going to happen” Sherlock’s lips met with John’s. And boy you better believe there were sparks. A firework went off in Sherlock’s mind. Sherlock didn’t know what to do next, so he just kept on kissing John. He just followed John’s led. Slowly moving his lips with John’s, following John’s every move. He begun to taste John. “Wedding cake, Wine, Pork, Tea” thought Sherlock. He could taste all the things John has had today. But there was one taste he couldn’t identify. That was the taste of John Watson. And out of all those taste, Sherlock loved that one the best. John put his arms around the taller man and pulled him closer to him. The making out begun to speed up but slowly slowed down when Sherlock’s body began to get weak. Sherlock’s mind was on overdrive but his body was numb. Sherlock knew that John could tell that this was too much for the detective. And slowed down. Then John pulled away from the stunned detective and they made eye contact. At that time, they began to laugh and John brought Sherlock into a hug. “Maybe everything is going to be okay. Maybe this isn’t the end of an era but a start to a beautiful beginning.” thought Sherlock. Sherlock wrapped his long arms around the blogger and they hugged for a long time. Sherlock was the happiest he had ever been.


	6. Why do I love him?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John knows that Sherlock Holmes is a broken man. A man of emotion. How is John going to handle his feelings and Sherlock's? This is going on the same time as chapter 5.

_“If I hadn’t come back, you wouldn’t be standing there and ... you’d still have a future ... with Mary.”_

 

_“I find it difficult. I find it difficult, this sort of stuff.”_

 

_“You were the best and the wisest man ... that I have ever known.”_

 

_“Yes, of course I forgive you.”_

_***_

John knew that this was a broken man. John could see the pain and hurt in Sherlock’s eyes. The pain of hiding how you truly feel to be a high functioning sociopath. You can’t let your feelings get in the way like that. But John knew from his doctor point of view, that you can’t just hold them in forever. That someday they will come out, typically due to a traumatic experience. Like seeing your best friend jump off a building, or seeing the one you love in someone elses arms. “Oh god, i’ve done so wrong” thought John. “I have to rebuild this man. But where do I start?” John could hear Sherlock say thanks and start to reach out for the key in his hand. “There’s usually only one thing someone wants when they’re broken. A hand reaching to them to help.” John smirked and when Sherlock grabbed for the key, he closed his hand around the detectives.

 

John could see Sherlock’s face tighten when John grabbed in hand, and so did John’s. Not in pain, more like suprise. John was surprised the spark that shocked thru the two men. The spark of not only friendship, but of two humans deeply in love with each other. “This spark is something two people waste their whole lives searching for. They give up in the end and settle for what they can find” John’s face relaxed but turned sad. “Kind of what I did with Mary. I gave up trying to find this spark. Now it’s with my flatmate.” John could see Sherlock’s face tighten even more. “Poor guy’s mind palace must be on fire. If this spark is big for me, it must be a firework to this broken man.” John thought as he started to smile at the thought that Sherlock could also feel the spark. Sherlock looked up at John and John could feel the nerves in Sherlock’s body begin to shake. “Oh Sherlock Holmes, I love you. And I want to tell you right now.” John thought about telling Sherlock right now about his love but John assumed that Sherlock might pass out. If he almost passed out when John asked him to be his best man, he couldn’t imagine what that would do to the detective. John took his hand, still around Sherlock’s and unlocked 221B.

 

John lead Sherlock into the flat, leading him like an owner would lead a puppy. John was leading Sherlock over to the couch when he felt Sherlock squeeze his hand. “He’s probably just making sure that this is real life” John smirked but his smile quickly faded when Sherlock whispered “John”. The tone of his voice was serious, yet shaky. John turned away to a pale as a ghost Sherlock. “He’s going to have a panic attack” thought John as doctor mode came over his body. “Sherlock, are you okay? You look very pale. Here, sit sit.” said John as he sat down on the couch as he tighten his grip on Sherlock and made him sit down. Sherlock sat down and hit his head against the wall. “Oh, that must’ve hurt” thought John “Then again, a bomb could go off and I feel like this man wouldn’t move.” “I just need to relax, John.” whispered Sherlock. John took his hand away from Sherlock’s and just now noticed how sweaty it was. “Oh no, he might be running a fever. My Sherlock can’t be sick.” John placed his hand on Sherlock’s head and smirked slightly when he realized what he thought. “ _My Sherlock_ ” thought John. He smiled but got serious again when he took his hand away from Sherlock’s head. “Well, you're not sick. No fever” said John. “But you are sweating. I’m going to make you tea.”

 

John didn’t want to leave the poor man. He looked horrible and looked like he needed to be attended too. But Doctor Watson knew that the rate Sherlock was sweating, he was going to need some fluids. John forced himself up and walked to the kitchen. As John was making a cuppa, he started to think. How was he going to talk to Sherlock? Should he even try to talk to him right now, in the state of mind he’s in? “I think i’ll just leave him be” thought John. “I know after Sherlock took the...” John’s face tighten at the thought of it. “The fall, I just wanted to be quiet, but have someone there with me.” The tea was heated up and John walked into the living room with it. John frowned when he found Sherlock practically in a fetal position. “Definitely no talking now” John thought as he sighed. He walked over to Sherlock and set the tea on the table in front of them. He then sat close to the detective and placed his hand on Sherlock’s back.

 

John felt Sherlock practically crumble under the touch of him. Sherlock started to shake. John started to rub his hand back and forth. He could feel the spine of Sherlock. He was so thin and so long. John loved the touch of Sherlock, and John knew that somewhere inside Sherlock, he was enjoying it to. John saw Sherlock reach out for his tea. “Good, he’s drinking without me practically shoving it down his throat.” thought John with a smile. He started to think of all the times he had to sit on the detective to force tea and sandwiches down his throat. John treated Sherlock like a small child, sometimes. A small child that can’t take care of himself.

 

John noticed that after a few minutes, Sherlock was finally unkinked. John knew it was now or never to find out why he left the wedding. He took in a deep breath. “Sherlock, I have but only one question.” John could see Sherlock staring off in the distance, almost like he wasn’t there. Then John saw Sherlock close his eyes and kink up again. “Might as well finish now since i’ve started.” thought John. John took a small breath. “Why did you leave my wedding? I missed you.” said John, in a tone he didn’t mean to say it in. He said in a almost hurtful, emotional tone.

 

“Why did I do that? The poor man’s already almost broken to the point of no return and I just let it slip that i’m hurt. Poor Sherlock, i’m so sorry.” He was about ready to say sorry for the hurtful tone but then Sherlock took a very shaky breath and whimpered out “I couldn’t handle it”. Sherlock looked up at John and make eye contact and right then, the world stopped. John lost it inside his mind. Almost like his “mind palace” was on fire. Sherlock had the most innocent eyes. The eyes of a child who’s lost, hungry, and defeated. John now understood why Mycroft seemed to think of Sherlock as a child. Mycroft saw thru Sherlock’s layers to the small child that lied inside, and John could see the child. John took in a deep breath “Why couldn’t you handle it, Sherlock?” John noticed that Sherlock tensed up again under John because he stopped rubbing his back. John started again and noticed Sherlock relax again. Sherlock opened up his mouth but all that came out was a small cry.

 

John immediately wrapped his arms around Sherlock and brought him in. This was closest they have ever been. And Sherlock begun to cry. John never thought in a million years he would see the brainwashed emotionless zombie detective he came to love cry, but this wasn’t Sherlock. This was the small child that hid in Sherlock. And John loved the small child even more. John begin to rock Sherlock back and forth. He noticed that Sherlock’s body relaxed. John could feel the tears starting to soak thru his tux. But he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything in the world right then because all he cared about was Sherlock.

 

After about 10 minutes of crying, Sherlock pulled back slowly from John. John took his hands and cupped them around Sherlocks face while wiping away tears. He made eye contact and smiled softly. In the smoothest voice that he could make, he asked Sherlock “Fell better?” Sherlock smiled the first smile John has seen in hours and said “Yes.” Sherlock took John’s hands and placed them on his lap while breaking the eye contact to look at them. “Oh, John, you’re so swe-..” Sherlock said as he looked back up at John to make eye contact and Sherlock cut himself off. They made eye contact again, but this time there was a spark between their eyes. A different kind of spark. Sherlock’s face got serious as he looked at John curiously. John’s smiled disappeared too as he knew what was going to come next. “This is the face of lust. The face that comes before ‘true loves first kiss’”. smirked John. “And not only is this true loves first kiss, it could be Sherlock’s first kiss, ever.” John saw Sherlock lean into John. John started to lean in to while thinking “I gotta make this count for the broken man. Make it memorable” And then they were kissing.

  
He was kissing Sherlock Holmes. The Sherlock Holmes. He tried to think about what he was doing, so he wouldn’t overload Sherlock but Sherlock made John’s mind turn off. Soon he noticed that he seemed to have slipped his tongue in Sherlock’s mouth. Sherlock was doing anything the doctor told him to do with his mouth. Soon, Sherlock’s tongue was in his mouth and John knew he was deducing something. Sherlock put off a certain vibe when he was deducing. Sherlock tastes so sweet to the doctor. It was a taste that he loved, and never wanted to stop tasting. John wrapped his arms around Sherlock and brought them closer together. John was getting lost in the moment, not even caring that he was a married man. Soon, John felt Sherlock’s body tense up and he knew that Sherlock was done. Not done with John, but done for his first kiss ever. And he wasn’t bad. John slowly ended the kiss and pulled away from Sherlock. John made eye contact with Sherlock and Sherlock’s expression was hilarious to John. It was the face of shock and sight arousal. John couldn’t keep his laughter to himself and started to laugh. So did Sherlock. Sherlock was a totally different person now. The child that took over Sherlock was now gone, bringing back the old detective. John brought Sherlock into a hug and they hugged for a while, giggling sometimes. John was the happiest he’s ever been.


End file.
